


all we're chasing is the sunset

by sunny (thevaccines)



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: First Love, Happy Ending, Love Confessions, M/M, Original Character(s), Past Relationship(s), Some Plot, Weddings, im so, omg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2018-03-20 08:44:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3643977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thevaccines/pseuds/sunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis has to go back home for the first time in nine years, and what's waiting for him is exactly what he's been avoiding for what seems like an eternity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. begin again

**Author's Note:**

> got this idea from watching a movie & this was kind of a side-plot to it, so i thought it would make a good fic, with my own twists of course woot *:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧

 

_~10 Years Ago~_

 

The first thing that came to Louis' mind when him and Harry stepped out of the bar that cold Friday evening was, 'It is so fucking cold' and 'How is he standing straight'. 

"You'd think we'd have learned how to tolerate drinks at our age." 

"Louis, darling, sunflower, you will always be a lightweight. Me, on the other hand, I feel perfectly fine." 

"You are not perfectly fine," Louis laughs, and stumbles foreword a bit and Harry grabs him, pulling him tight against him. Louis is momentarily mesmerized by Harry's breath, and he brings his cold fingers to Harry's warm neck, which is only really warm because of the large fur-lined jean jacket he has on, "Really, we should call a cab." 

"No, I can drive." Harry says, and then he is walking backwards, arms tight around Louis as he walks them around the back to where they had parked earlier on. It was Niall's 31st birthday, which is one of Harry's friends, and Louis had more to drink then usual since he always felt a little out of place around Harry's _older_ friends, and just everyone else who was older then him in general. Louis was only 19, but he was positive that Harry, who is almost 28, must be his soul mate. And...no...Louis _knows_ Harry is his soul mate; there is no one else in this small town he would ever think to be with. 

"Ok, I trust you." Louis whispers, and as he drags his feet across the pavement, he jumps up slightly to give Harry a kiss on the cheek, and Harry beams a smile back in response.

Harry helps Louis into the back seat, leaning in to put his seatbelt on, but Louis shoos him away and mutters, "I can do it myself." and Harry laughs, giving him a little kiss on the forehead before closing the door with a slam.

Harry clambers into the front seat, getting his bearings for a moment before he starts the car, beginning to drive out of the lot. He turns the radio on to a station that plays slow music, hoping to lull Louis to sleep a little bit. He begins going a little faster than the speed limit since there is barely anyone on the road. He continuously checks the mirror to see Louis' eyes closed, head back against the seat. 

He's gorgeous, and Harry finds his heart beating a little slower and deeper in his stomach than usual. And it hurts, because Louis is this beautiful young- sunflower, as Harry likes to say, and Harry will be 30 in no time, Louis still a youthful child, really.

Harry doesn't realize as he drives that one, he's been staring at Louis too long. Two, the music hasn't only made Louis tired, but him too. And three, there’s a large van speeding through the intersection, and Harry hears the horn blaring at him too late.

 

_~Present~_

 

Louis opens his eyes slowly, blinking once, twice, three times, until he sees clearly. By the light coming out from the blinds, he is happy that it's the morning, and he isn't waking up at 3:00 am. He rolls over, out of the arms of the body next to him, and sits up slowly, grabbing his glasses and propping them on his nose. 

He yawns, shuffling his feet into his slippers and stretching a little before he stands. He walks to the washroom, grabbing a sweater from the dresser as he goes. He does his quick morning routine, trying his hardest not to look at himself in the mirror, and then quietly leaves the room to go to the kitchen. 

The smell of coffee and the usual Friday morning pancakes will never keep the family asleep for long. First, it's Morgan, the blonde and brown eyed little angel, which is the only one he had adopted when she was born. She sits at her chair, waiting patiently as Louis mixes chocolate powder and milk for her in a sippy cup. She's 5, but still prefers it to anything else.

Then, there is Ray, who's the middle child and 14, moody and constantly getting into fights with his sisters. Recently he's been asking Louis if he would be able to meet his birth parents, but Louis has been avoiding the subject. He's afraid to lose him, which wouldn't happen, but Louis is much too fond of those pale green eyes and dark skin, and his wildly curly hair to have to share him with anyone else. 

Lastly, there is Valerie, who is stressed for her finals and prom, and most of all her boyfriend, who she is usually breaking up with then getting back together with all the time. Louis sees himself in her, since she's smart and athletic, but sadly, isn't good with relationships. Maybe it's also the blue eyes and feathery hair, but in the end, he wants the best for her. He wants the best for all of his kids.

"Nick still sleeping?" Valerie asks, helping herself to a coffee and taking over the small stack of pancakes Louis has made already.

"Yeah, he came in late last night. Don't think he'll be awake anytime soon." Louis says, smiling at his kids and taking a sip of his coffee, but before he does, he says, "You know, you can call him Dad if you want." 

"I don't want." Valerie says, and her nose turns up in disgust a little as well. 

"Neither do I." Ray adds, and his voice cracks slightly, making Morgan giggle a little. 

"You're our Daddy, Daddy." Morgan says, her voice muffled since she still has her mouth around the sippy-cup, chewing on it a little grossly, but Louis doesn't really care. He turns from them to flip pancakes, and when everyone has had their share he makes a few more for Nick, leaving them on a plate for him when he wakes up. 

He gets all the kids ready in record time, and he can tell they are all eager to get to school, only because the sooner they get there, the sooner they leave.

Louis' sister, Charlotte, is getting married in the upcoming week, and Valerie is a bridesmaid, Morgan is the flower girl, and Louis is the nervous older brother who gets to walk her down the aisle. It's exciting, but also scary, since Louis hasn't been back in his hometown for almost 9 years. Usually, if his family wants to see him, they will make the two-hour drive to see him and the kids, and if they don’t drive, Louis does _not_ make the drive to them. 

It was cruel at first, making the decision to never go back, no matter how much his subconscious had told him to. But, it got easier, and being away from that town and everything it reminded him of all these years has made him sane. He's just hoping he can last 5 days without going off the edge again. 

"Dad?" Valerie waves her hand in front of his face, and he looks at her, blinking once, twice, three times, before his eyes focus on her. He swallows, shaking his thoughts away and putting on a smile. He lifts Morgan into his arms, and writes a quick note for Nick to say he left to run some errands, and he should be back by 1...and also to reconsider coming to the wedding with him. He signs it with three x's for some kisses, and then slips his converse on as he also grabs Morgan's Hello Kitty bag with one finger, his keys dangling from his mouth, and opening the door with the help of Morgan.

He gets her into her car seat, and then drives them all to school. Morgan begs to stay with him for the day, so he lets her, and she sits quietly in the back seat, although Louis tries to get her to sing along with him to some songs on the radio. She is too shy to sing in front of him though, although he does at times listen outside the door to her singing nonsense while she plays with her toys in the bath. 

As he is doing some last minute shopping, buying snacks for the drive, his phone rings, and he answers it quickly when he sees it's the school calling. His heart drops as the principal explains that Ray got into a fight with some boys at school, and that Louis should come pick him up. 

When he gets to the school, he opens the door to the main office, Ray looking up from his seat. He's holding an icepack over his eye, his lip is cut and his knuckles are a little swollen.

"Car, now." Louis says, and he hears Morgan saying, "Ooh, you're in trouble." to Ray as he walks past.

"Mr. Tomlinson, can we speak in my office privately?" The principal, who lately, Louis has gotten to know quite well from Ray's bad behavior, invites him into his office. 

Louis sits across from her, and she sighs. The chair squeaks, and it makes Louis a little uncomfortable. 

"This is the third time this week, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to suspend him for at least 5 days." 

"What? No- listen, Ray is just going through some hard times right now-" 

"Yes, I know. That is why he's been getting into fights." She leans foreword, and there is a pure look of sadness on her face, "He told me, and I don't mean to offend you in any way, that the other boys in his class make fun of him for having two fathers. And the fact that he is adopted-"

"Are those boys getting any sort of punishment? What about being expelled from the school?" 

"No, they are not getting any punishment. Ray is the one who started the fight-" 

"From the sounds of it they started it. Those boys should be getting a worse punishment- Ray shouldn't be getting anything. " Louis says, voice escalating, his breathing unsteady. He forgets Morgan is in the room with them, but she places her small hand on his and he looks down into her puppy eyes, and he softens, "I'm sorry, I've got to be leaving soon or else I'll never make it to my sister's rehearsal dinner." He stands, and before he leaves, he says, "I do hope you know that my son isn't in the wrong here." 

She smiles politely, nodding, "I hope you have a good weekend, Mr. Tomlinson. Ray's suspension will be done by next Friday." 

The car ride home is silent, Louis had gotten Valerie out of her class too, and she had a longing look on her face, and Louis knew his face probably looked the same. 

They packed everything in the car, and Nick had left Louis a note on their bed, saying a thank you for the pancakes, and that he would try to get work off. He would 'call soon, much love, n.' 

Louis tried not to cry. He sat down, staring at the note, and then looking up. His eyes caught on the necklace- _the_ necklace- that was sitting on top of the chest. 

"Dad?" There is a small knock, and Louis wipes at his cheek, turning to look at Valerie. 

"Hey Val." He whispers. 

"You ok?" She asks, and goes to sit on the bed with him. Another thing Louis loves about her is her sense of sadness, or just something gone wrong.

"Yeah, just thinking about how long it's been since I've gone home. I'm a little nervous."

"Don't be, what's back home that's got you all mixed up?"

"Family." Louis says, and he gives her a small side hug, and he laughs because- no. He isn't going to deny it but he isn't ready to do it just yet, to forgive and forget. He looks up, into the mirror, finally. He sees the dark circles under his eyes, the flushed colour on his pale cheeks, and the blue in his eyes is grey nowadays, "Lets round up the troops and get going, we need to be there before 5." He says, his voice not having any light tone to it. He stares at himself a moment longer, and for a moment, he sees himself when he was younger. He sees the necklace again-he sees the _happiness_. But then it’s gone again.

The car ride is filled with the kids fighting over snacks and radio stations, and it's a nice 20 minutes when all of the three collectively fall asleep, but the excitement of seeing where Louis grew up, and the whole family, keeps them awake. Ray hasn't really talked to Louis, and Louis hasn't really talked to Ray. Louis looks at him in the mirror to watch him sleep momentarily, before his eyes go back to the road, not wanting to repeat mistakes made in the past by not looking where you are driving. 

There’s a loud scream when Louis and the family get out of the car. Jay, who was previously bent over her flowers, knees in the dirt, quickly gets up and runs to kiss all her grandchildren and her eldest child. In all the commotion, Louis gets swept up in hugging all his family members; it isn't until he goes to get the suitcases that he looks across the road, to find someone staring at him from the window. He stares back, and the blinds suddenly close, but he's seen who it is already, and he feels lightheaded for a minute. He doesn’t realize that in that few seconds he had put his hand over his chest, feeling for the necklace, which wasn’t there.

"Lou! Come on! You need to come see my wedding dress!" Charlotte is pulling Louis and the suitcases in the house, and Louis smiles, following after her. Everything is just as he remembers, from the carpets to the slightly ajar paintings hung on the wall, the creaky wooden stairs and the wind chimes in the front porch. He looks back again quickly, seeing the blinds move again, and his heart is hammering against his chest. But before he can look for too long and reminisce at the old neighborhood and home he used to know, he is pulled inside, door closing, and is soon having a mini fashion show in front of him- Charlotte insisted Val and Morgan to try on their dresses as well.

 Jay makes a chili, and afterwards they all sit in the backyard, enjoying the nights that the sun still sets later than 8:00. They play some football, and then end up gathering blankets from inside and cuddling around a chimenea, roasting marshmallows and enjoying the time they have together.

 When Louis finally gets into bed that night, he hears a small knock at the door, and he expects it to be Morgan asking for a bedtime story, what he doesn't expect is his mother.

 "Hey." He says, and sits up in his bed more, smiling at her. She is more withered than he remembers, but she still has that loving look in her eyes that always warms his heart.

 "Hey boo." She whispers, walking in and closing the door behind her, leaning against it, "How're you adjusting?" She asks, and Louis sighs. He looks around his room, and it's the same as he left it 9 years ago, with his English textbooks stacked on the messy desk, a half unwritten essay still lying on the desk, pen exactly the way he had last put it down.

 "It's weird." He says, "So many things about this place that makes me...really miss the past-"

"That's good-"

"But also makes me want to run as far away as I can." 

Jay frowns, going to sit next to Louis and hugging him tightly, "I'm sorry. I know it must be hard after all this time to come back, and I...I don't mean to be nosy," She sits back a little, and Louis sags his shoulders, "But I saw you looking at the house across the street earlier."

"Is...is he still there?" 

Jay nods after a moment, and Louis can't control the tears in his eyes, "He never left, boo. He has nowhere else to go. After the accident, he...lost his way." She whispers, "And he misses you, he remembers you, I know it." She says that even quieter, and Louis sniffs, "Go to sleep boo, we'll talk in the morning." She kisses his forehead and stands, walking to the door, "And just so you know, you don't need to talk to him, but he is invited to the wedding." 

When Jay opens the door, she does a little surprised gasp, and Louis looks up, seeing Valerie leaning against the doorframe, her ear had probably been pressed against the door. He wipes his eyes, and Valerie looks at him, confused and sad. Jay whisks her away, closing the door behind her. Louis hasn’t spoken about Harry since the last night he spent in this town, and Louis can’t even imagine what Valerie must be thinking. 

Louis sighs, lying back in his bed. As he does, he hears a crackling under his pillow, and quickly flips it up and finds a picture. It's old, wrinkled, and is dated as ' _My Sunflower and I, 01'_  in bad cursive, and Louis stares at it. The one thing he's positive of in that moment is that if Harry misses him, Louis definitely misses him back.


	2. like a fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis reconnects with his past some more, and some things don't feel like how they used to.

The next day is a hectic one. Charlotte only has two and a half days left to finish preparing, and when she realizes she hasn’t yet picked out the flowers she wants, she goes pale and almost faints. _Total_ drama queen, but she did learn from the best as she grew up. 

Louis is introduced to his soon-to-be brother-in-law (they have met, but not in person, just over Skype), and his kids love him instantly. His name is Luke, and when Louis had first met him he was a little skeptical because he had a lip ring, but now, almost two years after they’ve been dating, Louis’ glad to see Luke has smartened up and gotten rid of the ring. He's even going to school to be a lawyer, which Louis definitely finds impressive than his old career aspiration- to be in a famous rock band. 

Later in the day he’s in the kitchen with Morgan, and his youngest sisters Phoebe and Daisy, whom are now both 16. He’s sitting at the breakfast bar, supposed to be helping them bake some cookies for the rehearsal dinner tomorrow night, but instead, he’s watching his family and loving every second of it. Of course, there is a little nagging voice in him thinking that Nick should be here- or actually – Harry should. But, he ignores it, and pushes his glasses up his nose as he takes a sip from his tea.

“Hey Lou, can you go put the egg carton in the recycling bin? The garbage truck will be here soon, might as well do _something_.” Daisy says with a small smile and a hint of mocking him in her tone, and Louis grabs the empty carton of eggs and puts his feet into his slippers. He looks himself over in the mirror before he goes out- he’s still in the same clothes he slept in, which consisted of a green adidas hoodie and checkered pants he found in a drawer upstairs in his room. And- well, he’s sort of ok looking to go out into the world for a minute. 

He opens the front door, and makes his way to the recycling bin at the end of the driveway. It isn’t till he looks up and across the road to see _him_ there, standing there and watching him. It’s still the same Harry. His hair is a bit longer; the ringlets are wavier than tight, his shoulders are more slumped and even though he’s got a big sweater on it looks like his little tummy has gotten to be a little bigger too. Louis doesn’t feel anything other than want in that moment, and feels like his breakfast is rising in his throat, and he wills it back down. 

It isn’t until a few minutes later, when a car passes by, that both of them stop staring, and Louis begins to walk towards him without really thinking about it.

“Hey sunflower.” Harry says, and Louis takes a few seconds to get a good look at him. He’s got a scar on his head, obviously where he’d gotten cut during the accident. Louis tries his best to smile, but his eyes squint closed and he’s got tears in his eyes, which doesn’t help the situation. 

“Hi.” He replies, and Harry points down at his pants. 

“Those are mine.” 

Louis’ heart skips and he raises his eyebrows, feeling a little uncomfortable but also feeling like he never wants to leave Harry’s side. But he’s different, and Louis can tell. He seems distant, as if he’s there physically, but mentally he is gone. 

“How are you?” Louis asks, ignoring the fact that he’s wearing Harry’s pajama pants. 

“I’m alright. I haven’t left this town, unlike you.” He says, with a smirk, “I work with my Dad now. He makes me do simple things around the shop, doesn’t let me work on the cars or anything.” He says, and he frowns. Louis’ heart is sinking so low into his stomach and now he feels even more uncomfortable, “I don’t know if you heard my mom passed away a while ago. That was hard. You didn’t come.” 

“I’m sorry...” Louis stutters slightly, “I heard about it, but I must’ve been busy.” Louis whispers, feeling pathetic and almost like he just got punched in the gut a few times. 

Harry suddenly smiles and says, “How are you?” 

“Great, actually. My kids are inside the house, and my boyfriend is coming down soon, hopefully he’ll be here by tonight.” When he realizes he mentioned Nick, he sees the look of hurt flash across Harry’s face. 

“I haven’t dated anyone.” Harry states, and Louis stares at him, confused at why he looks upset, “Can I meet your kids?” He quickly changes the subject, smiling once again, and Louis nods slowly. 

“Yeah, you can come for dinner tonight if you like.” Louis says, and Harry sighs. 

“I’d like that.” 

Louis nods, walking backwards across the road, “Come around 5, and if you _want_ to bake something- I’m not saying you _have_ to-” 

“I’ll make a blueberry pie, how’s that sound?” Harry says, hands cupped around his mouth so Louis can hear him, and he’s just staring at Louis with those eyes. Louis feels like he’s exposed. It’s almost exhilarating. 

“My favorite!” Louis yells from across the road. 

“I know! That’s why I’m going to make it!” 

Louis bites his lip, and Harry waves at him as he makes his way back inside.

 The second the door closes he leans against it, his sweaty forehead against the wood for support and his hand almost shaking nonstop on the doorknob. If he had stayed outside a minute longer he would’ve thrown up right on his mother’s azaleas.

 “So?”

 Louis turns quickly, jumping from the sudden noise. Daisy, Phoebe, and Morgan are sitting on the stairs. Morgan is eating cookie dough, not really paying attention, and the twins have the same devilish smile on their faces. 

“Did you plan this?” He says, walking foreword and crossing his arms across his chest, looking at the menacingly. But, he isn’t mad, if anything, he’s over-the-moon elated. 

“Well, we know Harry doesn’t like the newspaper, so we may have paid off the paperboy to throw one to him so he’d go to the recycling bin at the same time.” 

“We _may_ have.” 

Louis groans, and before he can say anything, Charlotte comes out from the kitchen, leaning against the arch frame with the same devilish smile.

 “You guys; don’t meddle in other people’s lives. Especially dealing with the love life. Louis’ got a boyfriend now, right?” She says, walking towards him with her arms crossed, “What’s his name again? Rick?” She raises her eyebrow, and God- if Louis was a woman, they’d look almost exactly alike. Neither of them realize in their staring contest that the door had opened behind them. 

“It’s Nick actually, you must be Lottie?” 

Louis turns, and this morning is just _full_ of surprises. 

“Nick!?” 

“Nick?” 

“Nick!” 

Louis quickly goes to hug him, and Morgan joins, hugging him with cookie dough all over her face as Lottie and the twins stare dumbfounded at the lanky man standing in the doorway. 

"Why is there a guy dancing across the street?" Nick asks, laughing as he hugs them back. Louis looks out the window through the door behind Nick, his smile widening and his heart pounding as he sees Harry jazzing around on his driveway. He's still a bad dancer. Louis just shrugs, but he can see the smile on the twins' and Charlottes faces, which probably match his own smile. 

“Everyone, this is Nick.” Louis says, making a point to hold his hand. Charlotte puts on a façade instantly that Louis sees through. 

“Yes, I am Lottie- but that’s an old nickname, you can call my Charlotte if you like.” She says, shaking his hand lightly. 

“Alright. And you are Phoebe and Daisy?” 

“Daisy and Phoebe, actually.” Daisy replies a little harshly, and Louis suddenly bursts into the best fake laughing he can manage. 

“Don’t mind them, they’re just little, annoying teenagers.” Louis says, and they both scoff at the same time, standing and going up the stairs in unison, “They’ll come around.” He whispers, and Nick looks down to pat at Morgan’s head, and Daisy turns to flip the bird to Louis, who in return, does the same. Charlotte laughs, disappearing into the kitchen. 

“Wanna come get set up in my old room? My mom’s out with Val and Ray, they should be home soon.”

“Sure.” Nick says, shrugging. Louis takes one of his bags and they clamber upstairs into Louis’ old room, Morgan left to go watch TV with Charlotte. 

“This is quite the surprise, Nick.” Louis laughs shortly, and Nick comes up behind him, hugging his torso.

“Yeah, thought maybe after the past few rocky months we’ve had I should make it up to you. That-and, I might’ve missed waking up to you this morning.” He says, and Louis turns, smiling up at him before kissing him. It doesn’t feel right though; it feels almost like kissing a stranger, or your brother, which, is quite gross. 

“Its really sweet of you Nick.” Louis says, trying to make some sort of conversation so they don’t need to kiss anymore.

“You know what else would be sweet? A little gift, yeah? Missed your pretty lips on me.” Nick whispers, and Louis can tell that he’s trying to turn Louis on, but instead, it’s doing the opposite. Nick’s hands have traveled down Louis’ back, his hands going into his back pockets of his jeans, and Louis leans back and away.

“How about we save that for later, yeah? When the kids are sleeping.” Louis says, patting him on the chest and smoothing out his shirt on the shoulders. Nick frowns slightly, slumping.

“Alright, well…what _should_ we do then?” Nick asks, moving away from Louis. Louis crosses his arms, protecting himself in a way, and walks slowly to the window, looking down into the backyard. His mom is sitting outside with Ray and Val, and from the looks of it, she’s teaching them the ‘proper’ way to drink tea- otherwise known as the Tomlinson way. 

“You can put your stuff away, and I’m going to go outside to join my mom for a tea.” Louis says and then runs out of the room before Nick can do or say anything else.

Once he’s outside, he sits beside Valerie on the patio chairs, and his mom pours him a cup of tea. 

“I must warn you in advance, mum, my children prefer coffee.” He says with the slightest bit of disgust before taking a sip of the tea- and just the scent of it brings back so many memories. One of which is the night he first brought Harry home to meet the family, and of course, they adored him instantly. Everyone did, and Louis knows everyone still does. 

Jay puts her hand over her heart and gasps, “I feel personally offended. How can Tomlinson children not have a sweet spot for tea?” 

“Nan,” Ray says, laughing, but he’s a little irritated too, “Can I please go play footie now? You said I could if I stayed for five minutes.” 

“Fine, go, at least I still have faith in my other grandchild.” Jay says, watching him get up quickly and walk off the patio to the net at the end of the backyard. Jay looks to Valerie, who’s looking at her dad. Louis, on purpose, is pretending to stare off into space, up at his bedroom window too, make it seem like he’s watching for Nick or something. 

“I’ll be back, I’ll make some ice coffee’s.” Jay slides out of the chair, and Louis shoots her a look, and she shoots one right back. He really is his mother's son. 

Louis looks at Valerie, who slumps further in her seat. “Are you ok, Dad?” She whispers, looking back at Ray to see if he's still distracted and not listening to their conversation. 

“Yeah, why?” Louis says, trying to make his voice as animated as possible. 

“Are you happy? With Nick, I mean.” 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Louis asks, and clearly playing dumb with her isn’t working. She scoffs, sitting up straight and looking at him with a pout. 

“Who’s the guy across the road?”

“He’s-” 

“And don’t bullshit me, I know when you’re bullshitting.” She threatens, playing with her tea cup absentmindedly. 

“An old boyfriend. Nothing more.” Louis shrugs. 

“From the way you guys stood staring at each other for ten minutes it seemed like something more.” 

“It wasn’t.” Louis said, snapping back at her quickly. She looks stunned for a moment, then her hand reaches to touch his, patting it twice. 

“It was. But it’s ok, you can talk with me about it later at dinner.” 

She stands up, leaving Louis alone and going inside. Louis waits another ten minutes, but Jay and Valerie stay inside with their ice coffees, and Louis watches Ray kick around the ball. Morgan is somewhere inside with the twins, and for the first time in a long time, Louis has a moment to himself. That is until a patio chair slides next to him, and he sees its Nick. He hadn’t even heard him come outside, he just appeared and is drinking some tea, an unlit cigarette in his hand along with a lighter. 

“It’s beautiful here. Why did you ever leave?” Nick asks, smiling at him. Louis smiles back. Despite the fact Louis is becoming very repulsed by him, they’re still friends, have been since Louis moved away 9 years ago. Louis watches as Nick lights the cigarette, breathing out the opposite way of Louis, but the wind still makes the smoke go in Louis' face. He pretends not to care, although he does slightly move his body away. 

“Problems with family, but things have changed.” He says, and Nick puts his hand on Louis’ thigh. 

“Valerie told me what happened with Ray, have you talked to him at all?”  
  
“Barely anything since yesterday. I can’t help this feeling I have that he’s…ashamed of me for being who I am. He was such a happy kid when he was younger, wouldn’t hurt a fly, now look at him.” Louis says, eyes watery and he looks over to Nick, who looks concerned. 

“I’ll talk to him if you’d like.” 

“No, no.” Louis shakes his head, “I want him to talk to me first, or I’ll talk to him. I don’t want you to get mixed up in the problem.” 

“It’s no big deal really-” 

“Don’t worry about it, ok?” And just to shut Nick up about the subject, Louis gave him a quick peck before getting up to join the girls inside. It tasted like smoke and Louis brushes his teeth once he goes upstairs. 

A few hours later, they’re interrupted from watching old home movies by a knock at the door and then the doorbell ringing. Louis is about to get up when Valerie does instead, quickly saying, “I’ll get it!” 

Louis had totally forgotten about inviting Harry for dinner, and the whole blueberry pie thing, so when he looks up to see Harry standing there all tall and gorgeous, with his hair in a small ponytail and his ripped jeans on, hands covered by oven mitts and holding what seems to be a steaming pie, Louis almost chokes and moves away from Nick to cough until he’s red in the face.

 Harry puts the pie on the coffee table and is quickly at his side. Louis holds his hand out, pushing Harry away from him by the chest because- fuck, his scent is so intoxicating it’s going to make him choke even more. Louis can hear Harry murmuring little “Why’s” whenever Harry gets closer and Louis digs his nails into his chest just enough for Harry to get the hint and move away.

 Nick looks between the two curiously, and then hands Louis some water, who drinks a little bit before sitting back against Nick.

 “Sorry, don’t know what came over me.” Louis says to the room full of people staring at him all bug-eyed, eyebrows raised, and Jay- with her smug smile across her face that matches Charlottes, and Valerie too, “Forgot to tell you all, I invited Harry for dinner! And…he baked a pie!” Louis smiles, using his hands and animating his voice, but the room is still quiet for a few long seconds. . 

“Blueberry.” Harry says, and Phoebe and Daisy both gasp at the same time.

 “Lou’s favorite!” One of them exclaims, acting as if they’re surprised when really, they’re overjoyed with the fact that Harrys in the room with Louis’ favorite dessert. Louis shoots them a look, and they both smile, both tilting their heads to the right at the same time, which is very creepy. 

“You have a favorite pie?” Louis hears Nick whisper behind him.

 “Long story, eating contest, tell you later.” Louis says back, and then stands, “I’ll go set up another eating place for Harry, and…” Louis takes the oven mitts from Harry, putting them on and grabbing the pie, all the while Nick excuses himself to go outside for a smoke, “I will go put this in the warming drawer for later!”

 He leaves the room with a plastered on smile that is gone the second he turns from them. He places the pie on the counter in the kitchen, and instantly he hears a, “Lou? You ok?” Behind him. He’s not surprised that it’s Harry, and also not surprised that the TV is paused and they’re probably all listening.

 “Yeah, why? Pie smells great by the way.” Louis says, smiling even bigger than before that it’s aching his cheeks.

 “Listen, sun- I mean, Louis, if you don’t want me here it’s fine. A welcome home pie and a hello to the family is fine with me…I’ll just see everyone at the rehearsal dinner tomorrow night.” Harry says, looking hurt and defeated, but he smiles when he points at the pie, and he shrugs about the dinner. Louis’ heart thumps and his body feels numb.

 “No, Harry, honestly, it’s fine. Stay.” Louis says, and then Harry doesn’t respond, so as reassurance, Louis says, “Please. Please stay.” And if it comes out a little more desperate sounding then he meant it, whatever. Harry stares at him for a long moment, and then his lips twitch up into a smile, turning into a full out cheeky grin. Louis missed that. 

Harry stays. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed✩‧₊˚


	3. lost stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything changes, its for the better.

The rehearsal dinner turns out to be even more awkward than last night’s dinner, which was mostly talk about the weather, the food, and absolute silence. Nick was staring Louis down all night, and barely said anything before bed and still hasn’t spoken to him all day. 

Harry on the other hand, has pretty much attached at the hip to Louis all over again. Louis doesn’t really mind. He didn’t mind at all this morning when he went outside at 6 am to kick some footballs in the net that Harry had come around because he thought he heard someone possibly breaking into the house, when it was really only Louis hitting the balls too hard. And when Harry joined him, and proved himself to still be the shittiest footie player ever, Louis might’ve just felt like he was falling in love again. But the feeling left him when he glanced at the house and saw Valerie standing at the door, staring, with this curious face that got Louis’ insides to twist up and his throat tighten. 

Louis is now hopping up and down, trying his best to get his jeans to fit around his thighs and bottom. He’s staring at himself in the mirror, and can see Nick looking at him in the background. 

“What are you wearing to the actual wedding?” Nick asks.

“This navy-colored suit that used to be my Dad’s. My mom sent it to me a few months ago as a suggestion, and it fits me nice.” Louis shrugged, finally getting the pants on and doing the button up, “Are you wearing a suit too?”  
  
“No, actually just gonna do dress pants, a white collared shirt and a vest.” Nick says. Louis nods, and then a part of him feels kind of weird that they haven’t really talked about this already. Or maybe they have, Louis just can’t find it in him to really care all that much. 

“Boys?” Jay knocks three times, and then says, “Almost ready? Limo’s here to get us. Don’t want to be late now, do we?”Louis smiles, “Coming, give us five minutes please.”

 He hears her walk down the hall, and then he looks at Nick. Nick’s sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed in jeans, a black t-shirt and a leather jacket. Louis stares at him, realizing that he maybe would have rathered Nick not come at all. 

Louis puts on his dress shirt, and ties a tie loosely around his neck. 

“Lou?”  
  
“Yeah?” Louis turns from the mirror. 

“Did you ever date that Barry fellow?”  
  
“Harry. And yeah…I did. Long time ago.”  
  
Nick just nods, standing from the bed and stretching. He hasn’t got much of an expression, and Louis feels a little nervous, but then Nick holds out his hand, and Louis takes it. 

They walk downstairs together, hand in hand, to find the whole family, plus Harry and his sister and father sitting in the living room waiting. Louis wills himself not to choke this time he sees Harry, who’s wearing blue jeans and a loose white tee, a black blazer and his hair pulled back in a bun. He looks so cute, so proper yet so comfortable, and Louis just felt his cheeks warming the longer he stared. 

“You look very dapper, Tomlinson.” Gemma says, her smile growing on her face. Louis quickly lets go of Nick’s hand to go and hug her tightly, and she hugs back just as tight. 

“Gemma, wow.” Lou says, standing her at arms length, “You’ve turned into a woman, haven’t you?” 

“And you are _just_ as short as I remember!” She laughs, and everyone else laughs as well. 

“Well that’s not fair, you’ve got heels on. Put me in a pair of heels and-” 

“Dad, you’ll still be shorter.” Valerie cuts him off, and everyone laughs again, Harry just smiling with his sparkling eyes up at Louis. 

They get two limos, and Louis a tiny bit upset when Harry and his family ride in the other one, while Louis is sat with his family, Nick, and some of Lottie’s friends, who are awfully annoying and already half drunk. Louis envies them a little bit for the last part. 

Lottie had done the table arrangements, and so obviously Harry was sitting at the table over in perfect view of Louis. While Nick made small talk with the other people at the table, the only thing Louis could focus on, or at least tried his hardest to focus on, was anything but Harry. Easily he could have slipped into the conversation, but the night was still early, he had yet to have any wine, so he wasn’t all confident and outgoing yet. He tried to focus on looking at the kids to make sure they’re having an alright time with the other kids, and for a second Ray looks at him, but his head whips foreword once he sees Louis’ saw him. 

Louis then made the mistake of looking over his glass as he took a sip of water, only to find Harry looking towards him as Louis swallowed. Harry didn’t look away at first, he seemed to be frozen and possibly wondering if Louis was actually looking at him. Harry turned to Gemma a few moments later, and Nick turned to Louis. 

“You’re awfully quiet,” He whispered, “Everything okay?”  
  
“Yeah…Just weird being separated from the kids I guess.”  
  
“They look like they’re having fun though.” 

“Ray definitely isn’t.” Louis sighs, and Nick puts a hand on his back, rubbing in circles to comfort him. Louis almost feels like he’s itching to push him away, but he doesn’t, instead puts a hand on his thigh, and he can see Nick smiling out of the corner of his eye. Nick then looks around, seeing that the majority of people have now finished their meals and are getting up to dance. 

“Would you like to dance?” Nick asks, and Louis turns in his chair to get a better look at the dancefloor. He sees his aunts and uncles dancing around, some of his cousins and their kids dancing too, and then Harry- he’s dancing with an elderly woman who must be Luke’s grandmother. He smiles to himself, and ignores the jealous feeling inside- he’s not _really_ jealous of a 90-something year old is he? 

“Maybe at the actual wedding. I’m not much of a dancer.” Louis says and then looks back to his dinner plate.

“Oh c’mon, Lou. Don’t be a downer.” 

“I’m not being a downer.” Louis replies, a little annoyed.

“Why can’t you dance with me then? Are you embaressed of me? Do you not love me?”  
  
“Nick, lower your voice please.”  
  
“No, Louis.” Nick suddenly stands, “I come here and surprise you and you don’t even seem to care!” He says. Louis doesn’t respond, his cheeks going red and he tries to blink, tries to focus on something simple, but he can’t- because he knows people are staring. 

Nick’s hand slams down against the table next to him, grabbing the pack of cigarettes. 

“I’ll be in the front, need some air.” He says before walking away. Louis is very much aware that he’s crying and not breathing and people are still staring, but he feels immobile. He wants to run and hide but he can’t even see straight. 

He gets up after a few more seconds of feeling pathetic, he forces himself to leave the room and silently excuse himself to the washroom. He doesn’t notice that Harry goes to follow him, Valeire gets up to follow him, and Valerie doesn’t notice Jay gets up to follow her. Only Louis has a feeling that he’s been hit by a train of emotions once he gets to the washroom, going into a stall and leaning back against the door. 

“Louis?” Louis knows who it is just by the sound of his footsteps. 

“Leave, please, just enjoy the party.”  
  
“How can I when I know you’re upset?” 

Louis turns, facing the stall door, knowing he’s standing right outside of it, the tips of his shoes under the stall door- he’s so close, that if the door weren’t blocking them Louis would feel his breath on his cheek, and he almost wants that. 

“Its been a day Harry, one day- and I don’t even know how I’ve lasted these past 9 years without seeing you, hearing your voice- looking at you or touching you-” Louis says, and he moves to grab some toilet paper out of the dispenser to wipe his eyes, and when he looks up, he can see one of Harry’s eyes looking through the little crack in the door. 

“I didn’t even want to come tonight. Gemma made me- forced me to come, actually. Truth is I just didn’t want to see you with him…Do…do you really love him?” His voice cracks, “Why are you with him?”

“Because Harry, you weren’t.” Louis says, and then he can’t stand anymore, so he sits, even though the floor is a bit damp and he could possibly get many diseases for being that close to the toilet, he doesn’t care. He feels wobbly all over and everything feels like its too late to be said. 

“What do you mean?” He hears Harry shuffling, then realizes he’s sitting with his back against the stall door.  
  
“After the crash, after I got better and you didn’t…I couldn’t see you anymore-You’d forgotten me too.”

“But I don’t forget now, I mean, maybe the little things here and there, but you-Louis I…Sunflower, I could never forget you.” 

“It all came back slowly, Harry. I’m surprised you even remembered my nickname.” 

“Louis, I may not have been all there, but I knew I loved you. I still do. I knew when I was sick and couldn’t think for myself that somehow, I loved you. You are what kept me going, what kept me grounded and what kept me feeling safe in my own skin when I couldn’t even remember who I was.” 

“Why are you telling me this now.”  
  
“You wouldn’t have listened before.” Harry says without missing a beat, and Louis’ breath gets caught in his throat as he sobs quietly, because its true, its all true. He wouldn’t have listend because he wouldn’t have believed him, “I went to this group therapy thing once most of my memories had come back, not all of them but most. And one morning when I woke up, after weeks of having reoccurring dreams of you and I- you came back to me, like a punch to my face and I couldn’t breathe, felt almost paralyzed and so stupid for not remembering you earlier…They’d given us these little flower pots, something to take care of and remember to water every morning to exercise the brain. I’d left mine on my windowsill and that morning, it had bloomed. It was the first thing I saw in the morning, the last thing I saw when I slept- a sunflower. And I remembered you, and I remembered the necklace.” He whispers the last part, his hand on the floor that was keeping himself balanced turning into a fist, his knuckles white from how hard he pressed them into the cold tiles. 

“I’m sorry I’m not wearing it.” 

“I don’t blame you.” 

“But I promised-“ 

“You promised that to the old me, the one who could love you like you deserve to be loved. This Harry? This Harry is nothing compared to that guy- he’s old and broken and he can’t be fixed. This Harry is not what I made you promise to love for the rest of your life. That Harry, the one you loved, is gone.”

Louis stands, and after Harry hears Louis unclick the door he stands too. Louis opens it, the door swinging and Harry’s heart skips as he takes in Louis, as does Louis’ as he takes in Harry. It seems like a lifetime as they stare at each other, mesmerized by their worn and withered faces, stricken with tears and guilt as they both try to forgive each other. 

“I love this Harry too.” Louis says. 

Then, they’re falling into eachother. Louis’ arms are wrapped tight around Harry’s shoulders, no longer broad and as firm as they used to be, but still so farmilier.  Harry’s got one arm tight across louis’ back, the other around his waist, silentely whispering his apologies to him, and Louis accepting them and both of them forgiving eachother. Their chests are heaving as they breathe in each other’s scent as much as they can, and thy never want to let go either. 

But Harry does first, holding Louis almost an arms length away, Louis’ body leaning foreword towards him.

 “I can’t tie you back to this place, Louis. You always wanted to leave and now you have, I can’t be the one to bring you back.”

  
“You were the only thing keeping me away, Harry. I never would have left.” 

“I’m still sick, I wake up sometimes in the middle of the night sweating and crying after having nightmares of you being rushed to the emergency in critical condition, and me standing over you, knowing I almost killed you but not even sure who you were-I can’t forgive myself.” 

“I forgive you, I loved you, and I still do.” 

“No-“  
  
“Yes.” Louis says quickly and before Harry can retort he’s using all his strength to surge forward and kiss Harry, so hard and so much that he sees lights behind his eyes after squeezing them shut. Harry doesn’t resist, and the kiss is messy and they aren’t as used to each other as they used to be, but it feels almost new again, like they’re falling in love all over again. 

“Dad?” Louis gets pulled back to reality a second later, him and Harry both looking over to the door to the washroom. Ray is standing there, confused, and he looks at Harry, his face scrunching up. 

“Ray-“ Louis tries, but Ray leaves the washroom before Louis can even try to explain, not even sure where he should begin. 

When Valerie had followed Harry, and Jay followed Valerie, they hadn’t noticed Ray followed them as well. Around the middle of listening in to Louis and Harry’s conversation, Jay took Valerie by the shoulders and said it was best not to listen, but Ray stayed, hiding behind a cabinet where Valerie and Jay passed him. Ray, the one who’d always felt like he didn’t know his father, didn’t know anyone, and now when he entered the washroom after not hearing anyone speaking, he realized he really didn’t know Louis at all. And it hurt him, it hurt him so much. 

“Fuck.” Louis says, and then he feels nauseous and dizzy and returns inside the stall, closing it, not locking it, and throwing up whatever he’d eaten in the past two hours. When he exited the stall, Harry was gone. Louis washed his face with some cold water, took on of the complimentary mints and left the washroom. 

He came back to the hall to find that Harry’s family left, and Nick had decided to take a cab home, the kids going with him. 

Jay was there, with his sisters, Luke was sitting at a table with his friends and they were all talking intently about some music show coming up. It seems as if everyone has already left, some of the aunts and uncles are still sitting together having a drink, but other then the few left it’s empty. 

“Sit down, Lou, we should talk.” Jay says, and Louis sits, Charlotte putting a hand on his back and giving him an apologetic look. Everyone is looking at eachother, looking at Jay to say the first words, but when she doesn’t, Daisy rolls her eyes and begins to speak, 

“Tomorrow, after the wedding, you should go.” 

“What? But-“ 

“Louis, its for the best.” Phoebe inputs, and Louis feels numb, feels almost like a burden to everyone. 

“We love you, but this isn’t right. The kids, your kids, are your priority, and it seems like everything’s been spiraling out of control lately, right?” Jay says, and Louis nods, looking down to his lap, his finger nails digging into the palm of his hand without him even realizing. He doesn’t stop it, he knows he needs to feel something or else he just might melt into the floorboards so he can disappear forever. 

“Louis, I want you here.” Charlotte says, “But you were getting better, it’s long process but you were. And I know you don’t want to hear this right now but you aren’t stable, and jumping into things when you know it’s not right to-“ 

Louis stands from the table, angry now, more than he’s been in a while. “Stop talking,” He says, “Fine. I’ll leave after he wedding, and you will no longer hear from me afterwords.” 

“Louis, we don’t want that.” 

“Well maybe I do. Maybe I just want to forget all of this, all of you.” He says it, but he doesn’t mean it, and the hurt that is evident in all their faces makes him feel even more guilty than he’s felt in years. After a minute, he says, “Goodnight.”, pushes his chair in, and calls for a cab home too.

 

000

 

The morning is cold. Louis wakes with an empty spot beside him, a letter on the night stand from Nick, explaining how work called him last night and said it was urgent he returned in the morning. Louis rips it in half and throws it under the bed. 

He puts on two pairs of socks, an extra sweater, but still can’t escape the coldness in his room, inside of him. He barely slept last night, everything he said to his family he regrets, and everything he told Harry- he’s not sure how to feel about that just yet. 

He brushes his teeth, washes his face, the normal routine. And after putting on his glasses, looks himself hard in the mirror, blinking once, twice, three times before he can finally focus. 

He hears his family downstairs, hears them talking about breakfast, and soon, he hears the front door close and looks out the front window to see everyone piling into Jay’s van, squishing together with smiles spread all over their faces as they leave him, probably just going somewhere for breakfast, but Louis feels like they’re really leaving him. 

He goes to the kitchen, boils some water to make himself a tea to try and warm up, makes some toast and spreads some apricot jam on them, and steps out onto the patio, sitting at the table as he eats and drinks, trying to warm up under the morning summer sun. But it doesn’t work either. 

After an hour, he finds himself lying on his back in the grass, eyes closed and glasses tossed aside, arms and legs spread out as he accepts any kind of warmth the sun will give his useless self, when suddenly the sun gets blocked out completely, his eyes opening to see a figure standing over him. Its Ray, and after a minute of the two looking at each other, Ray joins him in lying beside him. He’s wearing an old jersey he probably found hidden somewhere, a jersey Louis wore when he was on the high school footie team. 

“I’m sorry.” Louis says, “I’m sorry for not being there for you, and I’m sorry for everything. I know I haven’t been a great dad to any of you, I’m trying my best-“

 “Dad,” Ray stops him, closing his eyes as the sun begins to warm up both of them, “Its ok, I forgive you.”

 Louis can’t help himself when he scoops his son into his arms, hugging him tightly and the warmth he’s been waiting for comes back to his body. Ray laughs and so does Louis, and they both finally feel like a father and son. 

“Nan was saying we were going to go home after the wedding? And I- I don’t want to. I like it here, the weather may be a bit colder and rainy but I do like it more. Plus, Luke and his friends took me to their old highschool to go play some footie and some really cute girls came by, so.” Ray shrugs, and Louis laughs.

“Your sisters like it too, I assume?” He says once they’re lying back in the grass.

 “Yeah, Morgan was actually almost in tears that we were leaving soon, she really loves aunt Daisy and aunt Phoebe.” 

Louis nods, and he looks to Ray, and says, “I’m sorry about what you saw yesterday.”  
  
“Who is that guy? I mean, I know his name is Harry and you guys were probably like...dating or something, but who is he?” 

“Him and I have known eachother for many years, and it wasn’t till I was older till we started dating. We wanted to get married.” Louis says, and Ray doesn’t say anything, just lets him continue, “You know that car crash I got into when I was younger? He was driving, not me. I wasn’t alone. And it screwed everything up.” 

“So you guys broke up?”  
  
“In a way, but never spoke about it. I just left, and before I knew it I’d met Nick, already had adopted Valerie, and fast foreword nine years, here we are.” 

“Do you still love him?”  
  
“Yes. Just as much as I love you and the kids.” 

“Then why are we leaving?” Ray asks, and they both look at eachother at the same time, and Louis smiles, shaking his head. Ray’s eye isn’t swollen anymore, and he looks like he doesn’t hate Louis anymore, and Louis goes to grab his hand, Ray holding it back and Louis squeezes it.

 “We won’t. We aren’t.”

 

000 

 

Once the family got back from breakfast, Louis apologized, as did his mother and sisters, saying that it wasn’t right what they said but he was happy that they did. 

They were all excited to hear the news that Louis and the kids wanted to move back to town, excited that they could actually be a family again. 

The wedding comes and goes, and its beautiful, and Louis doesn’t speak to Harry all night, barely sees him until he comes up to Charlotte and Luke at the end of the night to say goodbye, his eyes glancing over to Louis for a split second before he turns to go. 

Louis watches him go, and thinks its probably for the best. 

“Lou,” Louis looks up when Charlotte talks, and the rest of his family is staring at him, “Can you please go talk to him and not mope around for the rest of the night? Its my wedding, I don’t want this night to be upsetting for anyone. ‘Specially you.” She adds the last part with a little nudge to his shoulder. 

It’s all Louis needs to hear before he’s getting up, walking swiftly away from them as a smile grows on his face. When he steps outside of the hall, into the warm summer night, he takes a deep breath, looking left to right and finding Harry walking with his sister towards the parking lot. 

He feels 19 again, a surge of electricity feeling like its running through his veins as he begins to walk quickly, turning into a sprint. He calls out for Harry, who turns, and when he does, Louis swears Harry’s his younger self too. Their bodies collide seconds later, Louis wrapping his arms around him, kissing him, and Harry stands shocked, motionless and not kissing him back. Gemma has continued to walk, smirking to herself as she does so.

“Louis,” Harry says against his mouth, and Louis moves back, opening his eyes and putting his forehead against Harry’s. 

“I don’t care if you’re still sick, I don’t care if you’re old because I am too, I’ve got three kids and so many problems of my own but you aren’t one of them. You’re one of the first good things in so long and I don’t care about anything right now, I just want to be with you again.” Louis says, knowing he sounds like he’s insane, but he feels like he is. 

“Louis,” Harry says again, and Louis laughs a little. It seems like hours pass, but its only a few minutes until Harry says two words that have Louis back to kissing him, on his tippy toes of course, “Ok, sunflower.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever to complete, hope it ended okヾ( ´︶` ♡)ﾉ

**Author's Note:**

> comments&kudos appreciated :))


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